The Death Note FAQ
by BlueFoxofWater1569
Summary: -DISCONTINUED- Despite there being multitudes out there, here's another! Ask any of the cast a burning question that other stories won't satisfy! Request a situation you want to see your favorite characters in! You want it, we'll deliver it!
1. Prologue: Enter the Cast

The Death Note FAQ  
By BlueFox

**~INTRO:** So I'm pretty sure there's multitudes of these already out there…but, after watching more of Death Note and seeing just how 'Or What You Will' was so obtrusively AU, and I mean seriously, I actually felt my cheeks burn with shame. So… I scrapped it for this.

The only FAQ-like story I've actually read in DN would be 'Matt Answers' or something like that. And I guess…after reading it, I was inspired to do this. So, I'll give you the rules, and then open up this story with a chapter that is like an example. Here's to hoping you guys will review.

**~DISCLAIMER:** Not mine. Phooey.

****

~RULES~

**1.** You can ask ANY character ANY question, however do not ask the random bystanders a question. Nobody listens to random bystanders. They are only there to fill up space.

**2.** In accordance to Rule 1, if you ask Matt a question about how to beat a certain level of a video game you will get one of three answers: a never-fail strategy, a strategy guide strategy (but let's face it, the SG strategies usually suck or take a long time to pull off), or a piss-off answer if Matt's not in the mood.

**3.** You can share knowledge of Death Note with the characters. IE, you can tell them who Kira is, which rules of the Death Note are fake, etc etc.

**4.** Swearing is allowed.

**5.** Text language is not allowed. If you review in text language, it will either A: not be asked, or B: translated (if I feel up to it), but don't push your luck. You can use lol, idk, lmao, rofl, and the like, but your whole message can't be in text language.

**6.** Please address the question to the person you want to answer it. Though, in most occasions, many or all of the cast will attempt to answer the question, because most of the cast is made up of idiots.

**7.** Only one person will be maimed and/or mauled each chapter if the situation calls for it.

**8.** If you ask for a hug, the character MUST give you the hug. Kisses are optional. Chocolate, sweets, apples, and other such addictions of the characters are not viable to be shared. The exception being Matt helping gamers in video games if he feels like it.

**9.** If you wish to kidnap a character and hold him/er hostage, consult the authoress (me, BlueFox) first.

**10.** Requests for insane, awkward, funny, serious, and utterly stupid situations are welcomed and more than likely put to use. So, any and all pairings apply here, some more consensual than others.

**11.** REVIEW and ASK QUESTIONS.

****

Prologue

**Enter the Characters**

* * *

**BlueFox:** Hello, and welcome to the premiere episode… issue… whatever of the Death Note FAQ, where I read your most pressing questions to the members of the cast for them to answer. Don't ask where I got the Prologue's questions, 'cause my sources aren't that reliable. *hollers* Okay guys, come in!

*enter the cast*

**Sayu:** Oh, oh are we on T.V? *waves*

**Misa:** *waving* HI MOM!

**Sayu:** Uh, your mother's dead, Misa.

**Misa:** Oh… wait… yeah… *cries*

**Misa Fans:** SHE MADE MISA-MISA CRY! *point savagely at Sayu*

**Sayu: **I didn't do it! I didn't do it!

**Misa Fans:** KILL!

**Sayu:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

**BlueFox:** *stares* Looks like Sayu's the one getting mauled this chapter. Let's start with the first question… *opens up bag of mail and reads*

_This is for Light… who do you love more, Misa or Takada?_

**Light:** *looking around the set* Are there more Light/Misa fans than Light/Takada fans?

**Everyone but Takada:** Yes.

**Light:** I love Misa more, then.

**Takada:** LIGHT!

**Light:** I mean, I love Kiyomi more.

**Misa:** LIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! *lip trembles*

*Misa fans stop attacking Sayu and narrow eyes at Light*

**Light:** Uh… S-Sayu?

**BlueFox:** AHH! Incest, ew gross no no no NO! *stomps foot*

**Light:** Fine! Ryuzaki it is! *clings to L on the adjacent couch*

*the L/Light fans, which tops Light/Misa and Light/Takada fans BY FAR, bursts into cheers*

**L:** *pets Light*

**BlueFox:** Aww, I feel all bubbly inside…

**Everyone Else:** *blinks*

**BlueFox: ***ahum*

_To the black-haired sugar addict aka L: What's your real name? L or Lawliet?_

**BlueFox:** You know, I've always wondered that, too.

**L: **It is one name. L Lawliet. No one seems to understand that.

**Mello:** Pfft… And they call themselves fans.

_Takada, why are your boobs so freakin' big? And Misa, why do you wear such skimpy clothes?_

**Takada:** *looks down at her chest* Oh, these? I wanted to shock Light whenever I saw him again. *winks at Light*

**Light:** *gets a nosebleed*

**L and L/Light Fans:** *glare savagely at Takada*

**BlueFox:** Ooh, I smell bloodlust! Mwahaha… Anyway, Misa how 'bout the clothes? If they can be called that…

**Misa:** I wear them because Obata made me…

**Matsuda:** Why don't you just use your salary from the Death Note sales to buy new clothes?

**Misa:** Oh… I spent it all on a villa in France. *sheepish grin*

**Takada: **… And because she's just a five-yen ho.

_Mello, why do you swear so much?_

**BlueFox:** Haha, that's a doozy…

**Mello:** *bites into chocolate bar* It's just part of my character.

_To Matt… you are hot. Wanna go out on a date with me?_

**Matt:** Only if Mello doesn't tag along.

**Mello:** 'Scuse me?

**Matt:** Uh… *turns back to game* Nuthin'… Nevermind, the answer's no.

**Mello:** That's what I THOUGHT you said.

_I wanna know if Mikami thought the Delete button on the computer was 'his precious' as he grew up._

**Mikami:** No. Why do you think that?

**BlueFox:** Because you say 'delete' an abnormal amount of times in every episode you're in.

**Mikami:** …

_For Mello… are you a girl?_

**Near:** There was a 65 percent chance this question was eventually going to be asked.

**Mello:** *glares* Shut UP Near. *sighs around chocolate at question* No. Do I look that damn girly to you? And before you ask, I haven't put any kind of make up on since… ever.

**Light:** But you might be half.

**Mello:** *aims gun at Light's face* What the _fuck_ did you just say?

**Light:** Nothing.

_To Near… why are you so obsessed with toys?_

**Near:** I plead the Fifth.

**Mello:** Goddamn arrogant sonuva--

**BlueFox:** Mello! Contain yourself!

_Matt, what the hell is your hair color?!_

**Matt:** *throws game in disgust* I don't _know!_ Sometimes it's black, like last week, sometimes it's red, like it is now, and HELL! Sometimes it looks green, like in Malice!

**Mello:** Calm the hell down, Matt, damn.

**Matt:** Like you're one to talk! You get all worked up over Near?! Don't I ever get a chance to flip a bitch about something?

*awkward silence*

**BlueFox:** …Err… Moving on.

_I have a question for the author…_

**BlueFox:** But… I'm not a cast member.

**Near:** You only said that the reviewers cannot ask a random bystander. You have a name and personality, and so you are not a random bystander.

**BlueFox: ***twitch* You know what, Near? Shut up.

_… are you a Mary Sue?_

**Everyone:** …

*pause*

**BlueFox:** I only insert myself into this and my bloopers stories. Nobody else seems to mind. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go kill a certain flamer… *runs off*


	2. One: Hair

The Death Note FAQ  
By BlueFox

**To the Anonymous 'Mimi':** Your question will be used in the next chapter--have no fear!

**

* * *

**

**Chapter One**

**Hair**

**BlueFox:** I had an enlightening experience last time.

**Matt:** You killed a flamer?

**BlueFox:** Yes. *scratches her fingernails on her shirt and blows on them* As a matter of fact, I killed her fifty times!

**Mello:** It was that MizzChocolate girl, wasn't it? *grumbles* Insulting, I swear.

**Light:** She's just going to pop out again, you know?

**Mikami:** Not even God can get rid of her.

**BlueFox:** Well, can't blame me for trying…

**

* * *

**

It was quiet on the sandy beaches of Los Angeles. Everyone was sunbathing or having fun in the water, until…

**BlueFox:** *springs upward, smiling* Ohmigod! We've got mail! *grins wider* AND we have requests for stunts!

**Everyone Else:** *groans*

**BlueFox: ***whips out a flamethrower* You will do as these say, and you will like it!

**Everyone:** Yessim.

**BlueFox:** This one is from **Backyard Bottomslash**. Wow, I like that penname.

_To Mello and Near, how often do you guys wash your hair?_

**Mello: ***drops chocolate bar in sand and starts freaking out* OMG OMG OMFG! *looks closely* Noes! I try so hard! I wash it every day! Does it look greasy? I wash it twice everytime I'm in the shower! *squints*

**Matt:** *stares* Is THAT why it takes you so long to get out?

**Mello:** Are there split ends? It was the fire, I swear! THE FIRE! *begins to hyperventilate*

**Matt:** *stands up* So THAT'S where all my shampoo goes! *points accusingly* You told me the shampoo fairy uses it because I apparently don't use enough!

**Mello:** I only said that because you told me the chocolate unicorn hid my chocolate in my underwear drawer! And when I went to go look, you told me it evaporated! *twitching eye*

**L:** I see they still have their vivid imaginations from childhood.

**BlueFox:** Haha, Matt believes in unicorns.

**Misa:** *gasps* Chocolate can evaporate?!

*Mello and Matt suddenly start a fistfight*

**Light:** Best friends? Ha, best friends my ass.

**BlueFox:** Aaaaaaaaanyway, Near, it's your turn to answer the…um, where's Near? *glances around*

**Near:** *pulls off a Little Mermaid stunt in the water, with the tossing back of the wet hair and sparkles*

**Everyone but M&M: ***staring*

*Near walks onto the beach, shaking his head*

**Near:** There. I have washed my hair for the second time this month.

**BlueFox:** *jawdrop*

**Light:** YOU ONLY DO IT TWICE A MONTH?!

**Sayu:** *with a black eye and cast on arm from previous chapter* That's not considered washing it, with all that salt.

*Near fans glare at Sayu*

**Sayu:** *waves good arm frantically* I take it back, I take it back!

**L:** *raises hand* I only do it twice a year.

*everyone takes a big step away from Near and L*

**BlueFox: ***narrows eyes at L's hair* Maybe that's where I lost my house keys… *glances at letter* Oh! There's a request!

_*Hands over a wad of cash* Oh, and I want Near to use this money to cut, style, and color his hair. And Mello has to come with. No exceptions._

*fistfight suddenly stops*

**Matt:** *pulling Mello's hair with arm underneath Mello's left pit and around his neck* Really? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-- *continues obnoxiously laughing*

**Mello:** *pulling Matt's ear, leg wrapped around Matt's to trip him* Say WHAT?!

**Near:** *fingers wet hair* I like it the way it is, though.

**Sayu:** What? Pretzel flavored?

*Near fans prepare to pounce*

**Sayu: **I'M SORRY!

**Light:** At this rate, I won't have a sister anymore…

**BlueFox:** *accepts wad of cash and presses it into Near's hand* Have fun then!

**Near:** *incredulous* You aren't…coming?

**BlueFox:** Uhhhhhhh… Why?

**Near:** *shoves money back* To keep Mello from doing something bad!

**Mello:** *snaps Matt's goggles on Matt's face* Stop laughing, you twit! *squirms out of hold, stalks over, and grabs the money and Near's arm* Let's go. The faster we do this, the less time I have to spend with you for over an hour. *pulls Near*

*Near latches onto BlueFox*

**Near:** You have to come, YOU HAVE TO!!!

**BlueFox:** Uhm…

**L:** *picks up dropped note* On the contrary, Near, there is a P.S.

_P.S. Bwahaha, Mello can choose._

**BlueFox:** *steps out of Near's hold* Hey, enjoy your fate. Mello, try to not screw him up TOO much.

*Mello smirks evilly as he flips a hysterical Near over his shoulder and mockingly waves*

**Mikami:** *nudging the passed out Matt with foot* I think he ran out of air.

**Everyone:** *shrugs* Don't care.

**BlueFox:** *pulls out next paper* This one is from the anonymous **Pacholski58**. Hmm. Did I spell that write? *double checks* Yep. Okay.

_This question is for Misa, why is it in the anime that part of time your eyes  
are brown and the rest of the time they're blue?_

**BlueFox:** OOH! And on spritesheets, why are they green?

**Misa:** Well, I'm an actress, so I use contacts. *beams*

**Sayu:** I thought you were a singer?

**Misa: ***nods* That, too.

**Sayu: **Sooo… you're a Mary Sue?

**Everyone: ***smacks forehead*

**BlueFox:** But that doesn't answer the question about Matt's hair… If he dyes it, why? We like him as a redhead, not green. Bleck.

**Matt:** *twitches*

**Light:** If you use contacts, then why don't you ever go and use yellow ones? Like Near does for the opening sequences?

**L:** Light-kun, please, Near is not even here to defend himself.

*Near fans glare maliciously*

**Light:** *holds up hands* Right, right, sorry.

**BlueFox:** Let's go look at the hidden fly-camera following M&N, shall we? *changes scene with a snap of fingers*

* * *

Near was on the verge of hyperventilation. He didn't like the surroundings Mello had taken him to one bit. "M-Mello?" He widened his eyes. Did he just _stutter_ to _Mello_?!

"What?" Mello snapped a piece of chocolate with his teeth as he went up and down the 'S' section.

"Why are we… in a cosplay shop?" Near twitched at a particularly accessorized outfit and guessed it was from one of Matt's many video games he was always prattling on about. He averted his gaze and sighed when Mello tugged him past it.

"Don't ask such stupid questions, Near. We're here because Backyard Bottomslash said that _I _get to choose how to style your hair."_ Snap._

Near fingered his hair absently, feeling the salt crystals having embedded within it. "B-But," boy, he must've been terrified if he was stuttering to Mello of all people, "the letter never said anything about a new wardrobe." He rather liked his first one…

Mello turned to him and poked him savagely in the chest, blue eyes alight with savage glee. "Buuuuut, little Nancy-Near, you can't gussy your hair up without finding an outfit to match!" He snickered evilly, causing the already terrified Near to shrink back.

Doing so brought him into a very familiar outfit, which made Mello's eyes flick to it, and after taking it in, imagining Near dressed up in it, he let out a low chuckle from deep in his throat and yanked it off the rack.

"Come on, Nancy-Near, let's go play dress-up!" he called in singsong.

Near whimpered and followed.

* * *

**Everyone:** O_O

**BlueFox:** *blinks* Wait, WHAT outfit did he pick out? I missed it!

**Light:** The rest of us, did, too.

**L:** Mello's percentage of being sane has just drop 15%.

**BlueFox:** That's… wow. Anyway, the next question is from **Seiren Sekito**. By the way, your story, 'One in For the Other' is hilarious!

**Light:** Uh, why are you advertising?

**BlueFox:** Because it's a good story! It contains Mello and Near body-switching!

**L:** Ooh, that must be good…

**BlueFox:** ANYway!

_Ooh yay! One of these!_

_A question for my dear, dear Mikami._

**Mikami:** Uh oh, a fangirl. *braces self*

_How is it in the opening of Death Note your hair looks like Kaname's from Vampire Knight, but in the show it looks like Marluxia's from Kingdom Hearts?_

**Mikami:** … Uh…

**BlueFox:** *watches opening* Hey, WOAH! She's right! *glares* Are you ripping off Kaname and Marluxia?

**Mikami:** Who are those people?!

*Light shows him pictures from the Internet*

**Mikami:** Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhh. Uh. Well, you see…? Heheh heheh… *ponders* OH! I plead the Fifth.

**BlueFox:** Cheater. Ooh, Seiren sent in a request!

_I request that Mikami to steal Matt's goggles, wrap a towel around his neck, and fly around like an idiotic superhero for this and the next chapter!_

**Everyone:** *snickering*

**Mikami:** Are you serious?

**Misa: ***claps* I can't wait to see this! Hee hee!

*Mikami slinks over to still unconscious Matt and pulls off goggles, puts them on, and ties a beach towel around his neck*

**Mikami: ***stetches out arms* Do I really have to run around calling out 'ZOOOM! ZOOOM! ZOOOOOOOM!'

**BlueFox:** Do it or PERISH BY MY ALMIGHTY AUTHORESS FLAMETHROWING SKILLZ!

* * *

Mikami sighed, then stretched out his arms and started running around the beach, yelling out in an idiotic way, "ZOOM! ZOOM! ZOOOOOOOOOOOM!" and kicking sand at people as part of his 'special power'. As he was being cheered on and laughed at/with, Mello and Near returned.

Mello paid no attention to Mikami, the Unnamed Superhero, and instead brandished a hand with a flourish behind him. "Here he is, just like Backyard Bottomslash requested! A make-overed Near!"

There was sudden complete silence as the cast as well as audience took in Near's new appearance. Instead of his hair being cut, it had extensions put in and styled into ridiculously poofy carnation pink ponytails held up with red jewel-like scruchies. He had pinkish-red contacts in his eyes, and was dressed in a pink sailor with white elbow-height gloves and knee-high pink boots.

"Oh. My. God," BlueFox, Misa, and Sayu murmured instantaneously.

L's eyes were twitching.

"Mello, you made him…" Light swallowed hard. "Into Mini Moon?"

Mello rubbed his fingers against his shirt and blew on them. "Yes. Remarkable transformation, isn't it?"

Near looked about ready to cry, wrapping his arms around himself and shifting as a cold Pacific breeze blew.

Mikami stumbled backward, and suddenly broke out screaming, turning and taking off to get away from Mini Near-Moon and ending up tripping over Matt's still unconscious body and flying headfirst into an umbrella pole at around 65mph. He, too, was promptly knocked out.

* * *

**BlueFox:** Wow. Just… wow. *shivers as Near goes to huddle behind Light* Last question of the day! With a request first thing! This is from **Mimi the Popo**. This is the review that made me laugh the hardest.

_I love these things!_

_I would like to see Light shave off all his hair!_

**Light:** WHAAAAAAT?!?!?!

**BlueFox:** Awh, don't worry, Light-o! This time I'll go with you! *takes Light's arm and drags him away*

*Near goes to huddle behind L*

**Light:** Butt-butt-butt-butt-butt…

**BlueFox:** Sorry, Light, but since Mikami had to be a retarded superhero and Near is now Mini Near-Moon, it's only fair. *cheerfully* So no butts.

*a woman with an exceedingly large butt spontaneously started jogging down the beach, winking at each and every male character, including the unconscious ones*

**Mello:** *points* Except that one.

**BlueFox:** Other than that, NO BUTTS! *tugs*

* * *

BlueFox seemed to be having the time of her life as she dragged Light down the street to have his hair shaved off. She felt th man beside her in an extremely tense position, slowly dragging his feet across the pavement as though he were a man walking to his own execution.

Well, at least for his hair.

She sighed, and decided to strike up a conversation with Light to get him relaxed. "Light, what are you afraid of?" she asked.

"Me?" Light snorted. "Nothing."

"Aw, c'mon Light! There's gotta be something you don't like! Something that makes your skin absolutely crawl with terror and revulsion!" BlueFox thought for a moment. "Misa?"

"No. I pity the poor man who harbors secret feelings for her."

"L?"

"No. And let's not bring up that incident with the chain, shall we?"

"Spiders?"

"No."

"Mice?"

"No."

"Fire? The moon? Computers? Bald dudes? Bearded dudes? Cats? Snakes? Clocks?"

"I like fire. The moon is far preferable to the sun. I use a computer on a daily basis. Why would I be afraid of bald and/or bearded men seeing as I will be bald in a few moments? I happen to like cats and snakes. And who in the world is afraid of _clocks_, of all things?"

"Then what about…"

"BlueFox, I have told you. There is nothing that I fear. And it's our turn to cross," Light said, pulling the authoress onto the crosswalk.

But BlueFox persisted, even as the traffic started behind them again – effectively blocking his escape in the event that Light became _too _annoyed with her. "Then what about bees? Rampaging ostriches? Mello screaming for your blood? High places? Speaking in public? Darkness? Feet? Cacti…?"

She continued on for the entire block and a half left, saying whatever came to mind. Light merely folded his arms and refused to comment on her increasingly moronic ideas, waiting for the barber shop to appear in front of them to slide open so he could escape the reddish brown-haired nuisance.

"Diamond rings? Dollar signs? Naked Near? Naked Matt? Trees? Birds? Carnivorous plants?"

The barbershop loomed ahead and Light contemplated making a run for it, and he almost did. Unfortunately, BlueFox had latched onto his hand.

"Leaky pipes? Overflowing toilets? Germs? Hyperactive ninjas? Young teenage girls on a sugar-high? _C'mon_, LIGHT! What is it? Tell me!" she whined.

"BlueFox, I told you: I. Am. Not. Afraid. Of. _Anything. _Do I have to spell it out for you?" He glanced curiously at the younger woman. "And where the Hell did you come up with 'hyperactive ninjas?'"

BlueFox beamed as they entered the shop. "Final Fantasy 7 of course!"

"Hey! It-sa Blue-a Fox-a!" A rotund man in a white apron came out from the back, smiling widely beneath his extravagant black mustache.

"Mario!" BlueFox beamed. "Where have you been?"

"Visiting-a me-a family back-a home-a in-a Italy! Where have-a you been-a? You have-a an appointment with-a my-a daughter in about-a three-a days!" he declared, brandishing a pair of scissors at the girl. "You're-a due for-a trim!"

"Yeah, I know, Mario. Just slipped my mind." She turned to Light. "Light-o, this is Mario, the barber. His daughter is the one who cuts my hair like a side part. He's the one who is going to shave your head!"

Light was suddenly really pale, staring wide-eyed at the scissors in the rotund man's hand.

"Liiiight?" BlueFox asked cautiously and giddily. There, in his eyes... Was that…?

"IlikemyhaironmyheadSTAYAWAY!" Light screamed, throwing his arms over his head while running towards the safety of the outside world. The door slammed shut behind him with a little tinkling sound from the bells, leaving BlueFox and Mario standing in the exact same spot, staring at the door with wide-eyed shock.

BlueFox pulled a frightened grimace. With a sigh, she waved to Mario and headed out of the barbershop and back toward the beach.

* * *

**Mello:** *chuckling at BlueFox* Smooooth, BlueFox.

**BlueFox:** Don't make me take you instead! *crosses arms with a pout*

**L:** Well, I suppose I will read Mimi the Popo's question.

_Was Watari ever a super secret agent, with a hidden army of flying lemurs ready to destroy the civilization the minute L lost a case?_

**L:** Heh heh… *shifty eyes*

**BlueFox:** *images of a bloodthirsty King Julien, Maurice, and Mort fill her head* Oh, I don't like this picture one bit!

**L:** *speaks into hidden microphone* Watari-san, Operation Lemur has been found out. I repeat, Operation Lemur has been found out! Abort, abort!

**Watari:** Yes, of course, L. Would you like me to bring in the penguins instead?

**L:** NO! Abort all missions, we've been found out, they're expecting it!

**Watari:** Of course, L.

**Everyone Left Conscious but L and Light:** *staring at L*

**L:** *ahum* Mello, Near, I wish for you to take over the Kira case in my stead.

**Near:** L! Have you seen what he's done to me with the 'working together' thing?! *brandishes hand to Mini Moon outfit* I refuse!

**Mello:** Hmm, I dunno. I think I wouldn't mind.

**BlueFox:** Ahem. Anyway, guys, as you all know, recently a great tragedy has befallen the world, with the deaths of Farah Fawcett, the Charlie's Angel girl, as well as the King of Pop, Michael Jackson.

**Mello:** We, here at Death Note, are not the ones to blame for these tragic deaths. *snaps chocolate*

**L:** We assumed that upon hearing of Michael's death by a heart attack, all of Death Note fans immediately thought of the Death Note.

**BlueFox:** *sheepishly raises a hand* I know I did. I also started to laugh hysterically. I admit, I never really liked the guy, but still, the shock hits you hard.

**Near:** *fidgets in another breeze* So, whether you were fans of Michael or of Farah, we wish to give all reviewers and audience member a moment to give them a moment of silence.

*Moment of Silence*

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

**BlueFox:** And now that we have given them the Moment of Silence in mourning, we have one final question to answer, left over from the Prologue's questions.

_Mello, do you have a relationship with Near?_

**Mello:** Yes, we have a relationship. I am the hunter and he is the hunted. I am the real winner of the Race to Catch Kira and not him, as she claims. If it wasn't for me, Kira WOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN CAUGHT!

**Near: ***big puffy eyes, then cries* I WOULD'VE CAUGHT HIM ALL THE SAME! I WAS THINKING OF CONFRONTING HIM BEFORE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT KIDNAPPING TAKADA!

*another fistfight ensues*

**BlueFox:** Dammit! Why do you guys have to screw this fic everytime! *stands up, throws empty mail bag on Mikami's head* I'm leaving!

**Sayu:** But no one's gonna read the mail!

**BlueFox:** Oh, come on! As if you guys can't read!

**Everyone Else:** …

**BlueFox:** Oh God… You're not serious?

**Misa:** Actually, we are. Can't read, nope. And that's the only reason why you're here.

**Sayu:** But L can read, and so can I. Aren't we good enough?

**Matt: ***sits up, having been faking since the end of the Moment of Silence* No, cause we can't afford your talent fees.

**L:** Too high for you? With all the money you've earned from your huge fanbase, I'd say it would suffice.

**Matt:** *grabs a megaphone* You and Sayu are asking for 5 million dollars! EACH!

**BlueFox: ***sigh* Fine, I'm staying. But only if I get to keep these. *holds up Mello and Near's socks*

**Mello:** *chokes on chocolate*

**Near:** What the… you can't have my socks!

**Mello:** And my socks! What are you going to do to my socks! I love that pair!

**Misa:** *smiling sweetly* We're raising funds for the "Force-Matt-To-Quit-The-Habit-So-He-Can-Live-Longer" program! We're gonna auction these online. The fangirls'll go crazy!

**BlueFox:** The first two to send in questions will get a pair of Mello and Near's socks!


	3. Two: Not Entirely Sane

The Death Note FAQ  
By BlueFox

Note: I don't honestly know (or really care about) whether B is in-character or not… Or if his obsession with jam is true or not. I don't own a copy of Another Note, even though I want to, so baaaaaaaaaaaad. DX The info I got for B is from a story called _The End is Near_ by Tierfal, and so if that's not right, IT'S NOT MA FAULT!

And if you think about it, Mello was the one who wrote Another Note, so who's to say B's REALLY in-character or not?

**Mello:** What the hell are you implying?

Err… *shifty eyes, then runs*

* * *

**Chapter Two**

**Not Entirely Sane**

**BlueFox:** Welcome to another episode of the Death Note FAQ, where questions are answered by the characters, character answers are questioned, and fangirl dreams are shattered because the beautiful bishounen of their dreams won't go out with them. And… *gags* I can't do a serious speech unless it's for school… so… yeah.

*BlueFox laughs out loud. Really loud. I mean, you might even hear it from where you're living.*

**Mikami:** … I think she's PMS-ing.

**Matt:** Hey! I was about to say that line! You stole my line!

**Mello:** That's not the only thing he's stolen from you.

**Mikami:** *steps up to Mello* Unless you want me to tear hair off by the roots, I suggest you shut up now.

**Mello:** *looks down his nose at Mikami* And unless you want me to kick your ass, I recommend that you. Clam. Up. Now.

**Matt:** Break up! Break it up!

**BlueFox:** *wiping off tears* Ah, that was good crap… okay, here's the deal. Since I only have two weeks left before classes start yet again, I thought I'd give in to the whims of those various people who sent in so many reviews and I'll even mention their names as a form of acknowledgment… And so, for being the first reviewer since the posting of Chapter 2, **Blues-harp Babysplit** gets a pair of… *checks review* MELLO'S SOCKS! FREE OF CHARGE!

**Mello:** NOOOO! Not my favorite pair! *drowns sorrows in Godiva chocolate*

**BlueFox:** And for reviewing after Blues, the person who gets a pair of Near's socks is… *checks* **Josephine Falnor**!

**Near:** Well, at least _I_ have spares.

**Mello:** Shut up, Mini Near-Moon.

* * *

**BlueFox:** *licking her fingers* Mmmmm. I love this stuff.

**L: **BlueFox, what are you eating**?**

**BlueFox:** Boysenberry jam. The finest, made by Knott's Berry Farm. Or somethin'.

**L:** *pales, if possible* O-Oh. Right. Okay.

**Mello:** *snickering* Something wrong, L?

**L:** Yes. And you know it.

**Mello:** *sadistic smirk* True. I do. Hahahaha… *eats some chocolate*

**BlueFox: ***sucks on finger* Okay, so the first review is from the anonymous **Mimi** who we promised we'd answer her question this time around. The question is:

_To Matt: Has your eyesight been greatly impaired by the amount of time you spent looking at screens and doesn't it ever give you a headache?_

**Matt:** I wear my goggles for protection against the brightness of the screens. I'm sure that if I didn't…wear…them. *looks around suspiciously* Uh, where _are_ my goggles?

**Mikami:** O_O …….Zoom?

**Matt:** YOU BASTARD! Give me those back! *lunges*

*fistfight starts*

**Misa:** So…now Matt's been in two fights.

**Sayu:** So has Mello.

**Takada:** I wonder who will have fought the most by the time this story ends.

**BlueFox:** Oh, you guys expect this story to end? AHHHHhahahahahahahahahahahaha! That's a good one.

*fistfight stops, everyone stares*

**BlueFox:** Um… *steps back cautiously* Eheh heh heh… Matt why don't you finish answering the question?

**Matt:** *gets goggles off Mikami's face and shoves Mikami into the sand* I don't normally get headaches. Not unless I go on like, an old school gaming surge, because the graphics are usually so bright they can give blind people headaches.

**BlueFox:** Final Fantasy VII and Pokemon are classic examples.

**Sayu:** Can we maul the authoress now?

*everyone gets ready to maul BlueFox*

**BlueFox:** Hey WOAH! Don't make me bring a tsunami down on us! *holds up laptop* BEWARE THE ALMIGHTY POWER OF THE LAPTOP! It is much more dangerous than a Death Note.

**Misa:** Um… How so?

**BlueFox:** Because with it, you can unfold fanfics wirelessly onto the Internet. And fanfics, while maybe not as good as the series they spawned from, have some gold nuggets within them that make them so popular!

**Near:** Like?

**BlueFox:** Pairings that people want to see, written by amazing authors/esses. Like, people in DN love a good Matt/Mello story, but I want to say Mello/Near is just a bit more popular—

*Mello, Matt, and Near take huge steps away from each other*

**BlueFox: **—and the L/Light fanfics are everywhere you look, with almost all plots imaginable… And then you have the cracky pairings such as Mikami/Matt—

*Matt suddenly throws his goggles into the sea*

**BlueFox: **—and Light/Near, and even Matt/Near which I love the most even though it's a rarity.

*Matt and Near take even bigger steps away from each other*

**Mello:** You are a sick, sick girl.

**BlueFox:** But the singular one I'm interested in is the elusive B/L or L/B story.

**L:** *wails* I KNEW I COULDN'T ESCAPE IT! *crouches by an umbrella and cries*

**BlueFox:** If anyone wants to make a recommendation, please let me know in a review! *reopens jar of boysenberry jam and eats three fingerfuls* Mmmmmmmmm, I am in HEAVEN!

**Mello:** *coughs suspiciously* Anyway, I will read the next question, sent in by… oh look, the girl who won my socks. Or guy. Whichever one you are. **Blues-harp Babysplit** asks,

*"Such a brat," Near coughs*

_OH I wanna ask:_

_Does Beyond Birthday have a crush on L?_

*a pitiful wail is heard, before a sickening **_TWANG_***

**Takada: **Good God, L, what are you trying to do?

**L:** *moaning and holding head* I wish to escape this reality before HE arrives.

**BlueFox:** Who is 'he'? Do you mean *points to left* him?

**B:** Hello.

**L: **AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *goes to run, but Naomi catches him*

**Naomi:** You're stuck here, just like the rest of us.

*L sobs and B steals some of the boysenberry jam*

**BlueFox:**HEYYY! *snatches jar back and puts it in bag* MY JAM! *stops and blinks a bit* OMG B!!!! *glomps*

**Matt:**Suddenly, I feel unloved.

**Mello:**I know.

**Near:**I just received that same feeling.

**BlueFox:** ANYway. *stands up and brushes self off* B, do you have a crush on L?

*train goes by as he answers*

**Mello: ***stares* That's not politically correct. We're by an ocean for God's sake, how the hell can a train go by?

**BlueFox: **Because I hate politics! Geesh! *to B* Would you repeat yourself?

**B:** I'm not one who likes doing that.

**BlueFox:** Well, let's just go with 'Yes', a cheesy waggle of the eyebrows at L, and move on.

*said acts are performed, and L shivers savagely*

**BlueFox:** Next question.

**Mello:** *munches on chocolate* Okay. I like this question.

_Has Light ever had a manicure?_

**Light: ***gasps* Are you implying that I'm GAY?

**Mello: **No, I don't think so… But you have a stick up your ass, Mr. Popular and Perfect. It makes some fans wonder.

**Near:** And your last name spelled backwards is 'I'm a gay' without the apostrophe.

**Mello:** That, too.

**Matt: **The picture of you in How to Read 13 on your biopage has you sitting in a very feminine pose with the look of an evil bitch on your face.

**Mello:** Well, that _too_.

**Sayu: **All the girls you ever dated you killed.

**Mello:** -_-;; And that. *sighs and taps foot in sand*

**Misa: **Light is… a bit moldy around the edges!

**Takada:** Moldy?

**Naomi: **Really?

**Mello:** NO! Well, wait… *squints* Ew. Yeah.

**Light:** ARE YOU TRYING TO ASK ME IF I AM A WOMAN!?!?!?

**Mello:** NO! Well, wait… Yeah.

**Light:** *huffs* I plead the Fifth.

**Matt:** Near, do you see the trend you started?

**Naomi: **A HAH! *points at Light* If he refuses to tell us he is a male, then it is very obvious to the trained eyes he is a SHE!

**Light: **What?!

**BlueFox:** So THAT'S why you're afraid to have your hair cut!

**Light:** NO!

**Mello:** Whatever, I'm moving on.

_Why are you so annoying Misa?_

**Takada:** *snorts*

**Misa:** How come no one ever told me I was annoying? How was I supposed to know?

**Everyone Else: ***anime fall*

**B: **I have only known you what…a few minutes, and already I dislike you.

**Misa: ***huffs*

**BlueFox:** Misa, you're—

**Matt:** —really strange and creepy.

**BlueFox:** No! *pause* Well…that too. Misa, you're—

**Light: **—secretly the daughter of the little girl from The Ring.

**BlueFox:** No! … Uh, maybe? Eh. Anyway, Misa, you're—

**Mello: **—an obsessed blonde girl with no life who glomps Light on a daily basis.

**BlueFox:** NO! Well, I mean, yeah, that, too. BUT! Misa, you're—

**Near: **—a beautiful, sweet, lovely ray of sunshine from Heaven with lots of potential and a strong heart.

*pause*

**Mello:**What the hell, Near, have you lost your_** MIND?**_

* * *

"Isn't it a bit rude that we're all talking so cruelly about Misa like this?" Near asked. "After all…" He suddenly sprouted angelic wings and a halo materialized above his head. "…she is a gorgeous, strong-hearted ray of sunshine from Heaven with a pure, beautiful soul, and it is truly a blessing for her to be with us."

Everyone stared in horror at Near, surprised that he was such a damn goody-goody.

"HEY!" The real Near came stomping out of the bathrooms, where he had been tied up all this time, and punched the other Near in the face. "WHO ARE YOU?"

"Um…" Fake-Near smiled sheepishly. "A mirrorr image?"

Real-Near blinked. "…you didn't spell that right. You're lying." And with no further delay, the true Near, who, of course, would never go as far as calling Misa "angelic", soccer kicked the OOC Near into the air, where he exploded into a mass of fireworks.

* * *

**L:** Because that's not random at all.

**Misa:** *softly crying in a corner*

**Mello:** Okay, the next part says,

_Also tell Mello that I saw Near planting fireworks in his bed...On second thought; DONT TELL HIM!_

**Mello:** Wai-WHAT?!

**BlueFox: ***bites lip* Maybe I shouldn't have let him read that review. Oops. Eh heh.

*Mello throws down chocolate and paper and whips out gun to point at Near, who is backing up VERY quickly before falling down in the sand*

**Mello:** What the _FUCK_ made you want to plant fucking _FIREWORKS_ in my bed! *places finger on trigger*

**BlueFox:** *screams* I can't watch! *covers eyes*

**Sayu:** *trying to save deteriorated situation* M-Mello! Isn't it, kinda illegal to kill Near? You know what happened to me when I insulted—

* * *

"JUST FUCKIN' DO IT ALREADY!" screamed a few Near-haters.

BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM! Mello shot the living crap of poor Near, his red blood mixing with his pink hair and staining his white outfit, getting washed away by the ocean…

"OH NO! SECURITY! SECURITY!" Naomi yelled, waving her arms up and down with a 0.0 look upon her face. And soon Chuck Norris flew from nowhere in another politically incorrect move, and landed a roundhouse kick straight to Mello's face. He fell limp to the sand and didn't move… Save for twitching. And just like that, Chuck Norris was gone.

* * *

*SPK suddenly arrives and carts unconscious Near off to a hospital*

**BlueFox:** *peeks through fingers* Is it over yet?

**Misa:** I… I think so.

**Light: **That was bloodier than a Dragon Ball Z episode.

**B:** Oooh, did you just go there?

**Light:** I did.

**BlueFox:** *nudges still-twitching-but-unconscious Mello* Kay, let's…um. Move on.

**L:** Yes. I am 47.4568735415876878% positive that Near will survive.

**Light:** That's…surprisingly low.

**BlueFox:** *laughs a little hysterically*

**Naomi:** I'll read the next one. From **Josephine Falnor**. This reviewer asks,

_Okay, here's my question. Is it Mello's fault that Matt smokes? Like, Mello seems more the type to sneak cigarettes then Matt._

**Matt:** *shifty eyes* No…

**L:** If it wasn't Mello, who was it, Matt? This is one case I've never been able to solve.

**Matt:** Um… *drags feet shyly through the sand* Well, L, you know the ice-cream guy who would come by Wammy's every so often…?

**L: **O_O *mind is in gutter*

**Matt:** Well, the bubblegum cigarettes got me used to the idea…

**BlueFox:** This sounds vaguely familiar…

**Matt:** And then I got into my Smarties phase. I used to crush them into little powdery pieces and—

**Misa: ***gasps* You'd SNORT them?

**Matt:** What the—?! NO!

**Misa:** Oh. Okay.

**BlueFox:** That burns, actually.

*stunned pause*

**BlueFox:** What?! My friend Chawnie did it once during breakfast at school!

**Matt:** ANYWAY! I'd roll that stuff up into small cylinders of paper, and pretend to smoke it.

**Mikami:** How'd you do that?

**Matt:** You suck the powder in from a small hole at the end, take the paper away, and puff the powder out of your mouth. It kind of looks like smoke.

**L:** *sighs and rubs head, clearing unwanted images* And it all went downhill from there, I am assuming.

**Matt: ***ducks head sheepishly* Yeah. Mels doesn't like the smoke. He didn't even like the Smarties or bubblegum…

__

I love you Mello! But I still wonder if this is your fault!

**Mello:** *still unconscious; groans*

**Matt:** Nope, it's not. It all started with the ice-cream guy.

**Naomi: **Wow. *looks at paper* Here's the next question.

_Also, I really feel bad for Near. I don't care how often you and L wash your hair. You're both awesome anyways._

**Naomi: **Well, that wasn't much of a question.

**L:** Thank you, Josephine. I'm sure that will help Near in his recovery.

**BlueFox:** I hope so. He's been through so much this story, and we're only three chapters in. *sighs* How high up in his percentage is he?

**L:** 48% chance of recovery.

**B:** That's not much better.

**Light:** Yeah, he only went up .5431264584123122%.

*everyone stares*

**Light: **What? I'm good at math… *shifts uncomfortably*

**Sayu: ***ahum* I've decided to read the next series of questions, free of charge!

**Everyone Else: ***unenthusiastically* Oh yay.

**Sayu:** This is from the anonymous** Uchiha Felicia.**

_Matt,_

_WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME PLEASE!_

**Matt:** Uh—

**Sayu:** Oh hey look, there's another one from her!

_Matt:_

_Will you please be my boyfriend please?_

_-Felicia_

**Misa: ***coughs suspiciously* Somebody's desperate…

**Takada:** THIS coming from YOU.

**Misa:** …

**Matt:** *glances around* Well, Mello is currently unconscious… I think we can make it work…

*Mello stirs and sits up, blinking groggily*

**Matt:** Oh DARN.

**Naomi:** You're not fooling any of us with that mock disappointment.

**Matt: **… *stares out at ocean*

**B:** Good to have you back with us Mello.

**Mello:** *rubs head* Where the hell is Near?

**B:** Your acts caused him to become hospitalized.

**Mello:** Oh DARN.

**Matt:** They aren't gonna fall for it, man.

**Mello:** …

**BlueFox:** Okay, here's the next question. From** Cantante Bello.** Haha, Mello, Bello. Haha. *gigglesnort*

**Mello:** *glares and throws chocolate at BlueFox* Shut up.

**BlueFox:** Ooh, dark chocolate, my fave! *bites into it* Okay, the next question.

__

I love this story and have two questions actually. One is why do Near's eyes glow yellow at the beginning and glow blue one episode and everything spins round him?

**L:** *facepalm* Once again, I reiterate from the previous chapter. Please, Near is not even here to defend himself.

**Mello:** Well, that was his own damn fault. Planting fireworks in my bed. WHO gave him that idea?

**Matt:** *coughs suspiciously*

**Mello:** *shoves Matt into the ocean*

**BlueFox: **He probably uses contacts like Misa does.

**Mikami:** Or… he's telekinetic. With the things spinning around him and all.

**Light:** And both B and Misa already have the red eyes thing down. So I guess yellow was the only eye color that they hadn't used yet.

**BlueFox:** Here's the next one.

_The other question is actually from the live action movie, if it applies. what the heck is the green thing that L is eating when he gives Light the thumbs up in Death Note 2:The Last Name?_

_Keep going!! I love this!!_

**BlueFox:** Well, the only movie that doesn't count is L: Change the WorLd. I haven't seen that one yet. All I know is that Mello is replaced by a girl with a pink bunny and a rip-off hairstyle of his. And Wammy's gets bombed.

**Mello:** Lemme guess… Near's a main character.

**BlueFox:** Yep.

**Mello:** And he STILL inherits L's name?

**BlueFox:** From what I've heard.

**Mello:** *stomps foot* DAMMIT!

**Light:** Answering the question, I believe it was—

**L:** It was Light's luffa.

**Light:** Yes, my- wait, it was WHAT?

**L: **I ate your luffa, with a small drizzling of chocolate on top. Light-kun, did you know it tastes like lemons and limes?

**BlueFox and L/Light Fans:** *fangirl giggles*

**Mello:** Once again, BlueFox. You are a sick, sick girl.

**Light:** *shaking* Ryuzaki……………..

**L:** What?

**Light:** You ate my LUFFA!

**L:** So?

**Light:** *sigh* It's the equivalent of drinking rat poison for dinner.

**L:** I don't see anything wrong with that… I didn't die from it, did I?

*Light shakes his head and drags L off to the beach house. L's bloodcurdling screams fill their ears a few moments later.*

**B: **I feel… happy.

**Naomi:** Sure you do… *sidles away*

**Takada:** Okay, onto the next questions. These are from** Kuno256.**

_Greetings, everyone._

_My question is addressed to all of you. (But mostly at Matt, to be honest) What is your favorite song?_

*Light and a thoroughly disheveled/bleeding L return*

**Matt:** *sputtering and soaking wet* Why is everything directed at me this chapter?

**BlueFox:** I dunno. Anyway… *breaks out How to Read 13* We'll go in order of the characters listed. First off, Light. What's your favorite song?

**Light:** Can I use my own theme?

**BlueFox:** No. No DN-related song. Unless it's the OP or ED.

**Light:** Dammit. Hm. I'd guess… One-Winged Angel from Final Fantasy VII.

**BlueFox and Matt: ***gasps* YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES?!

**Light:** Nah. I just watched the movie. It's all talking about a God and stuff.

**BlueFox:** Oh. Right. Yeah. Anyway. The next person is L!

**B, Naomi, Matt, and Mello:** NO!

**BlueFox:** Wha-?

**Mello:** Please, just-just skip him.

**Takada:** Why?

**B: **I fear for whatever shred is left of our sanity when he answers.

**BlueFox:** Why, what's his favorite song?

**B: **It is the Ultimate Suffering.

**Mello:** *shivers*

**BlueFox:** Well, if Kuno wants to know…it's only fair.

**Naomi:** Don't say—

**Matt:** —we didn't warn you!

**Misa:** Okay Ryuga! Answer!

* * *

B, Mello, Matt, and Naomi had somehow procured huge earmuffs from the fourth dimension, and had clamped them down hard over their ears in preparation. L's eyes lit up when he was told to answer, and he did so by breaking out into a nastily familiar song.

__

It's a piece of cake to make a pretty cake!

_If the way is hazy!_  
_You gotta do the cookin' by the book!_  
_You know you can't be lazy!_  
_Never use a messy recipe!_  
_The cake will end up-_

Any further lyrics were obscured by everyone but B, Naomi, Mello, and Matt's bloodcurdling screams of torture…

… screams that echoed for miles, screams that reached the ears of Wammy's First as well as his SPK entourage.

"N-Near, listen… do you hear that?" Gevanni put a hand on the boy's shoulder to stop his charge out of the hospital doors. It hadn't taken very much to get the many bullets out of Near, and luckily he hadn't been punctured anywhere vital, so a few bandages and painkillers were all he need. Sometimes 48% is all you need.

"Yes… what is it?" Near clenched his teeth—whatever it was, he didn't like it.

Halle's eyes narrowed furiously. "That's the rest of the cast. And that is the sound of the Ultimate Suffering."

* * *

*hours later*

**Light: **Pccktmkaprtycke…

*Near and the SPK arrive*

**Near:** What happened here?

*sees most everyone on ground, holding heads*

**Light:** *holds head and trembles* Fthwyshzy…

**Gevanni:** Light?

**Rester:** Speak up.

**Light:** You don't understand! *grabs Rester and Gevanni by collars and hauls them closer* You don't understand. Can't understand. Can't hear! Can't see can't speak or feel or know can't understand why… why… why…

**Halle:** Just calm down and tell us what happened.

**Near:** I can only guess. *sees the four earmuffed people off to the side, completely fine* It had something to do with L.

**Mikami:** Bits and pieces little bits and pieces of apple chunks coming up… *suddenly wails* Running and walking on two legs dancing singing like a girl… not a girl, not a girl, a monster… grotesque plastic faces smiling and laughing and moving like it's natural but it's not natural right and left and back and forth and up and down… can't speak can't hear can't feel or know don't understand why… why! **Why!**

**Near and SPK:** 0_0

**Misa:** By the book by the book by the book by the book by the book… *helpless scream* BY THE BOOK! BY THE BOOK!

**Near & SPK:** o.o

**Takada & Sayu:** YOU GOTTA DO THE COOKIN' BY THE BOOK! By the book…

**BlueFox:** Oh merciful God, not the cake… _not the cake_… _He wouldn't stop_… hours… minutes fading into hours of it… the cake… i-it's the cake… THE CAKE! *hysterical*

**Near:** *to audience* Please standby, as The Death Note FAQ is experiencing some very major issues. We will return very soon.


	4. Three: The Trouble With Killers

The Death Note FAQ  
By BlueFox

Note: If you are a fan of any of the songs or the bands within this chapter, let me tell you, it's NOT my opinion! It's the characters talking, it's THEIR opinion. I'm just the one writing it. In all honesty, I don't hate any of the bands within this chapter, so please don't come with pitchforks and knives, okay?

Also, whoever is the first to correctly guess why Josephine is 'lol'ing at the end of the chapter, during the special ending, will win two very glamorous (in my opinion) prizes. 1: get to be chained to your favorite character for an entire chapter, OR go on a date with said favorite character. 2: When I randomly decide to take a short break from writing, the winner will get the chance to write a chapter for me, in their own style, with their own answers, etc etc.

And if you ask me, the answer isn't so hard. All of the clues are there. Heh.

PS: My B-day is on October 5! I'd LOVE YOU ALL IF I GOT REVIEWS FROM YOU! That's like... the best set of presents I can ask for... other than Another Note and Dissidia...

* * *

**Chapter Three**

**The Trouble With Killers Is…**

**Mello:** *glances around beach a few days later* Doesn't look like she's back yet… *to Matt* And you're afraid of her why?

**Matt: ***shudders* She's just scary, far more than B, without any form of reason. And I have heard that I'm her favorite character.

**Mello: **That's a bad thing?

**Matt:** SHE TORTURES FAVORITES! O____O

**Mello:** *confused* What torture?

**Matt:** You were never her favorite long enough! You have no idea! Slapstick situations! Insane slash threats! Bizarre musical frenzies! She'll stop at nothing to get her will!

*BlueFox arrives at the beach, everyone else affected by the song in tow from therapy.*

**BlueFox: **Hi Matt! *waves*

**Matt:** *tries unsuccessfully to hide behind Mello*

**Mello:** What a baby…

**Matt:** Just wait until she inflicts some horrible torture on you! And she'll do it!

**BlueFox:** Matt? You okay?

**Matt:** *grinning goofily* I'm just fine, oh mighty one.

*Mello rolls his eyes, and BlueFox notices this.*

**BlueFox: **Mello, you're my third favorite. I'll let you have some chocolate if you're good.

**Mello:** *stares* I'm THIRD?

**BlueFox:** Yep.

**Mello: ***vein popping out on forehead* Dare I ask… who's higher than me other than Matt?

**BlueFox:** Near's number two.

**Mello:** *blows his top* ALWAYS! NEAR IS ALWAYS HIGHER UP THAN ME! WHY! WTF. JUST WTF!

**BlueFox: **Oh, really?

**Mello:** YEAH!

**Matt: ***sweatdrop* M-Mello, I really don't think you should…

*BlueFox, angered at Mello, opens her laptop and types something. Mello suddenly gets a very effeminate look on his face, and Matt begins to back away in horror as Mello starts skipping around.*

__

I feel pretty! Oh, so pretty!  
I feel pretty, and witty, and bright!  
And I pity any guy who isn't me tonight!

**Everyone:** *chuckling, pointing and laughing*

_I feel charming! Oh, so charming!  
It's alarming how charming I feel!  
And so pretty that I hardly can believe I'm real!  
See the pretty boy in the mirror there?  
Who can that attractive guy be?  
Such a pretty face, such a pretty dress, such a pretty smile, such a pretty ME!_

**L:** Dress?

**B:** Weeell, he could pull it off.

**L:** True, very true…

*Near is videotaping Mello as Matt laughs uncontrollably on the ground.*

__

I feel stunning, and entrancing!  
Feel like running and dancing for joy!  
For I'm loved a pretty wonderful b…

**BlueFox:** *snaps fingers and closes laptop* Okay, that's enough for now.

**Mello: ***whirls and glares at BlueFox* Why I oughta-

**BlueFox:** *ominously* You oughta _what_?

**Mello:** I forget. Can I have my chocolate now? *turns to the others* What're you guys laughing about?

**Near: ***hides camera* Nothing.

**Matt: **Haha, nothing you need to know about.

**Everyone Else:** *whistling, or attempting to*

**Matt:** *to Near* How much footage?

**Near:** *smirks* A whole tape.

**Matt: ***evil smile* Bwahahahaha… Let's sell them to the reviewers. Make mucha moola!

*Matt and Near plot evilly together*

* * *

**BlueFox:** Okay, so then we got Light, L, and now Mello out of the way…

**Mello: ***grumbling*

**BlueFox: **So lets continue. For those of you who may not remember, here's the question we left off on previous time.

**Takada: **From **Kuno256.**

_Greetings, everyone._

_My question is addressed to all of you. (But mostly at Matt, to be honest) What is your favorite song?_

**BlueFox:** So… *peers at HTR13* Near, you're up!

**Near:** My favo—

**Mello:** Lemme guess… Transformers?

**Matt:** Robots in disguise!

**Mello:** *elbows Matt, hard* Shut up you!

**Near:** …

**BlueFox: ***chuckles* That's not stereotypically cliché at ALL. *cough cough* Next is… Misa…

**Misa:** My favorite song is—

**BlueFox:** Holee sheet! Misa, you were born on CHRISTMAS?!

**Misa:** Umm, yeah?

**BlueFox: ***smacks Misa on the head with HT13* UNFAIR! Unfair unfair unfair unfair! *glances down* Oops. *nudges unconscious Misa*

**Light:** Eh, nobody will miss her.

**BlueFox:** *shrugs* True. Okay, Mikami, you're up.

**Mikami:** Is there a 'delete' song?

**L: ***facepalm* No, Mikami-san, there is not.

**Mikami:** Huh. I guess… The same one as Light. One-Winged Angel.

**L: ***narrows eyes at Light* Hmm…

**Light: **Err… *coughs suspiciously*

**BlueFox:** Moving on… Takada?

* * *

Like L and Mello before her, Takada sprang into song…

"BURNIN' UP! JUST LIKE A MATCH YOU SLIDE TO INCINERAAAAATE—"

Mikami's eyes glazed over. L's pupils got very small. Light's lips opened as though to scream in torture, but no sound could come out. Everyone else could only writhe in agony as they could feel their pulse quickening, their palms sweating and their bodies starting to shut down…

Unfazed, Matt and BlueFox started a Pokemon battle through their Wireless Adapters.

"MCR!" cried Near, legs trembling ferociously.

"You _sick bitch_!" Mello snarled furiously.

"Your singing career is UP!" Beyond declared, pointing savagely at Takada.

And as he spoke, Mello sent six bullets went flying through the air at tremendous speeds, accomplishing a number of extremely important tasks all at once.

Bullets numbered one and two made a direct beeline for the two gamers embroiled in a Pokemon battle a few feet away, number one imbedding itself rather deeply into Matt's DS and number two just barely missing BlueFox's own DS. Bullet number three pinged straight off an umbrella pole, bringing it down upon the people effected by Takada's horrendous singing, smacking them out of their stupors. Bullet number four hit BlueFox's bag and shattered her jar of boysenberry jam within, and jam splattered the five or so people standing by it, stopping B's lunging attack at Takada before it even happened. Bullet number five followed through on Matt's DS, effectively destroying the thing as well as electrocuting Matt in the process. Bullet number six mercifully stopped the horribly off-key singer before Kiyomi Takada could burst into another of her favorite soulful ballads about suicide pacts and cutting your wrists and all those kind of cheerful things kids dream about.

Mello reloaded his gun and sneered triumphantly at the destruction those six bullets wrought.

Near leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Show-off."

* * *

**BlueFox:** *quickly pockets DS* I'm kinda regretting this question. *wipes jam off of cheek and licks it* And that was my only jar of that jam… They don't sell it where I live.

**B:** *gasps* BLASPHEMY! *licks jam off of Near's hand*

**Near:** GROSS! *shoves B* Get off me!

**BlueFox:** Anyway, now that that disaster has been fixed, kinda, let's move on. Soich- nah, let's skip him.

**Light:** Wha- WHY?

**BlueFox:** Because I don't like him. Next is Matsuda.

**Light:** So you won't skip him?

**BlueFox:** Nope. He's got more fans than your dad.

**Light: **B-but…

**BlueFox:** *wields HTR13 threateningly* Don't make me hit you with this, you've seen how lethal it is! *nods to Misa*

**Light:** *falls silent*

**Matsuda: **I-I guess my favorite song is—

*Matsuda's phone goes off*

**"—ALL THESE MIXED _EMO_TIONS WE KEEP LOCKED AWAY LIKE STOLEN PEEAAAARLS! STOLEN PEARL DEVOTIONS WE KEEP LOCKED-- "**

**Matsuda:** *screams and flails around until the cell phone suddenly finds itself in the ocean*

*pause*

**L:** Matsuda listens to _**Savage Garden?**_

**BlueFox & B:** *attempting to stifle hysterical giggles behind hands*

**Matt:** *snorts loudly*

**Matsuda:** I do NOT! Shut up! You wouldn't understand even if I _DID_ listen to them! And I DON'T! I've never even _heard_ that song!

**Mello: **Suuuuure. And I'm Ron Burgundy!

*pause*

**Matsuda:** *shrieks angrily and rips out all umbrellas, using them like javelins*

**Mello: **OKAY! OKAY!

**Matsuda:** I'M NOOOOOT OOOOOKAAAAAYYYYY! *runs off*

**BlueFox: ***wipes tears* W-We really oughta… be nicer to him. *snickers*

**Light:** Too late now.

**Near:** Who's next?

**BlueFox:** Aizawa… Mogi… Ide… Ukita… Skip skip skip skip.

**Sayu:** Why?

**BlueFox:** *holds up book* Do you see how small their boxes are?

**Sayu:** Point taken.

**BlueFox:** Okay. Sayu, it's your turn anyway.

**Light:** So my sister can go, but not my Dad?

**BlueFox:** Yes, Mr. Abnormally-Tall-For-A-Japanese-Man. And your hair's funky for a Japanese man!

**Light:** …

**BlueFox:** S-Sorry… That was uncalled for.

**Sayu: **I don't… really have a favorite.

**BlueFox:** That's quite all right. We'll skip Sachiko and Raye. Naomi, what's your favorite song?

**Naomi:** Ummmmmmmmm—

**BlueFox:** GAH! Too long, too long! I want this question over already!

**Naomi:** The CSI theme!

**Light:** Ooh, that's a good song.

**BlueFox: **It is. Anyway, we're skipping up to Matt now, because I am SICK of this question.

**Matt:** *blushes* Um, well, it's kind of an original song.

**Mello:** Tell us what it is already!

**Matt:** You won't look at me the same.

**Everyone:** NOW!

**Matt: ***sheepish, bursts into a familiar tune* FIGHTING EVIL BY MOONLIGHT! WINNING LOOOVE BY DAYLIGHT! Clorox bleach turned all Near's hair white! I AM THE ONE CALLED MISTER SPOON!

*loooooooooooooooooooooooong pause*

**BlueFox:** PFFT. *bursts into obnoxious cackles*

**Near: ***consciously pats hair*

**Mello:** What did Sailor Moon ever do to you, Matt?

**Matt: ***bows head*

**L:** I told Roger that show was not fit for you… But does he listen? Noooooooooo.

**BlueFox:** Moving… hahahaha, moving on.

**Light:** Are we going to ask the Shinigami?

**BlueFox:** No. They're invisible, so what's the point?

**L:** BlueFox, you cannot move on yet.

**Sayu:** Why can't she?

**L:** She has forgotten two very important people. Beyond, and herself.

**BlueFox: ***stops laughing immediately* Why do I have to answer?

**Near: **The question states everyone. You have a name and personality, and therefore you are not a bystander, and are included in 'everyone'.

**BlueFox:** Stop being a smartass, Near.

**B:** *evil, EVIL smile* Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's…

**Mello:** EVERYBODY TO THE BUNKER!

*Everyone scatters as B bursts into the Peanut Butter Jelly Time Song. A large banana comes from nowhere and proceeds to destroy the beach.*

**BlueFox: **I'm not even going to sing mine. *comes out of the bathrooms with everyone else* Still Doll from Vampire Knight.

**Light:** Damn, that is ONE creepy song.

**BlueFox: **Shut up. *sighs* Finally, that's over. And since Takada is, well, unable to continue reading the questions, I will. Still from Kuno.

_I also have a request. A request that will sound rather odd. I request the Matt and Near act out the music video for " Jizz in My Pants" by The Lonely Islands, singing the song as well. Mello can be all the girls that they dance/flirt with._

_...At this point, you've most likely noticed I'm not completely sane._

**BlueFox:** NO! I HAVE HAD IT WITH SONGS! *throws paper to ground and grounds it out* I'm sorry Kuno. Maybe in a future chapter, but at this moment, none of us are in the right frame of mind to continue with singing.

**L:** The next question comes from **HikariYagami543.**

_I have a question for Mikami: why is it that you always say the word delete in almost every episode you star in?_

**Mikami:** So I don't sound like a robot. You know: eliminate and destroy. Eradicate. Etc etc.

**Matt:** And it's your preeeeeeeeecioooooooussssssss.

**Mikami:** *scoots away from Matt*

**BlueFox:** And now for the new questions. From** Fundibulous teh Zohan. ***reads it over* Oh, this'll have to wait until the end of the chapter…

**L:** Why?

**BlueFox:** Because of… certain people involved in it. *shoves paper in pocket, glancing at unconscious Misa and Light*

**Light:** Err…

**B:** I want to read the next one! *snatches paper from BlueFox* It's from the return reviewer, **Josephine Falnor. **It reads:

_Oh gosh, that was excellent!! I can't believe you used my entire review!! Hooray!! *dances around happily, still holding Near's socks*_

**Near:** *twitches* At least… it's not the tango.

**L:** That would be humorous.

**BlueFox: **Of course I used the whole review! It's fun to hear the character's thoughts on what you write, right?

_Alright, now for the questions._

_First, L? Can I, um, can I come sing the cake song with you? I actually like that song. ^^ I'll put up with you singing it!!_

**L:** Of course! ^^ Anytime you want to sing it, come right ahead and do so!

**BlueFox: **Just not now. *thinks* And… if the rest of us are around, just make sure we all have super earmuffs, too. We don't want a repeat of that incident.

**Everyone Else Affected by Song: ***shakes head*

_Also, if Near's capable of answering questions now, this is for him. On the back of Mello's photo, there were the words "Dear Mello..." Ah, so, what was the rest of the note?_

**Mello:** Yes, Near, what WAS the rest of that note?

**Near:** Um… *nervously plays with hair*

**Sayu: **Ooh! Love confessions tiemz! *jumps up and down, clapping*

**BlueFox:** Yeah, Near.

**Matt:** Tell us.

**Everyone:** *waiting patiently*

**Near:** *sighs*

* * *

**__**

'Dear Mello…

'Is it possible to live the same life, over and over, again? Living those lives without any regrets… is what really matters. That's probably was the ideal vision of being human is all about.

'However, we humans are really not that strong. And we know that we can't live like that. We're creatures that are much more flawed, weak, and smaller than that. We hurt others… We lie to ourselves… We hate… We blame others… We regret… But, even if we are weak, and even if our fate is to disappear entirely…

'I think the will to change the future is still an important one. We must try to change the things around us, little by little, even if I is one step at a time… And even if everything is already predetermined… It's not something for use to be sad about. No… on the contrary, the future… is overflowing with hope.

'And we have infinite paths to choose from…'

When Near finished his letter to Mello, there was a stunned silence. He coughed slightly. "Well, you wanted to know…"

BlueFox suddenly let out a little sniffle, before she fell into tears. "That was… so BEAUTIFUL!" She turned and started to cry on B's shoulder, which was the least likely shoulder to hurt her.

Mello blinked a few times. "That was… unusually vague coming from you, Near," he told the younger one.

Near averted his eyes to the ground. "I felt it… was the most natural thing for me to write… at the time."

With a light blush dusting his cheeks, Mello reached out and hugged Near. "Thanks, I guess."

Sayu sighed happily. "Awww, so cute…"

* * *

**B:** *pushes BlueFox off* You're ruining my shirt, stop it. Anyway, with the sobfest over, let's continue then.

_Oh, and if Uchiha Felicia still wants to go out with Matt, I'll take care of Mello for a while. I have to admit, I'd love to out with Mello, so if that would keep him occupied..._

**BlueFox: ***back to normal self* Problem is… a lot of other people probably want to go out with Mello, too. *whispers to just Josephine* But if you want to kidnap him for next chapter, I'm sure we can work something out.

**Mello:** *turns to BlueFox* What was that?

**BlueFox:** Uh- Nothing! Hehe. Light! You can read the next one! *tosses Light next paper*

**Light:** *catches paper easily* All right, the next one is from another returning reviewer by the name of** Blues-harp Babysplit.**

(**Mello: ***crosses arms with a huff*)

_Neat! Mello's socks are going straight to eBay. I'm also glad to make L feel uncomfortable...and cry. *wink* ;D_

**Mello: **Does anybody have five hundred dollars conveniently in their pockets right now?

**B:** What do you mean by 'conveniently'?

**Mello: **I have to go onto eBay to get my socks back! I won't let some rabid fan get them!

**L:** *stares at review* You're GLAD you made me uncomfortable and cry? What kind of sick person are you?!

**Mikami:** You have to remember, L, not everyone likes you.

**L:** … But still. And what's with the wink?

**Light:** *shrugs*

_So...my question:_

_Has the DN cast seen the "Death Note Abridged Series" by TeamDattebayo yet?_

_and if so; what did they think of it?_

**BlueFox:** YouTube and pretty much all other video sites go spazzy when I try to access it.

**Mello: ***twitches* I had… to sing…

**BlueFox:** I'm pretty sure Mels is the only one who got to see it.

**Mello:** Sonuvabitch… *pulls out futuristic phone to call Rod Ross*

**BlueFox:** The rest of them haven't.

_Also tell Mello I was joking about the whole "Near putting fireworks in his bed" thing...heheh!...sorry Near. Uhh...This is kinda awkward *cough**cough*...here's a Megatron action figure...(hands Near 'said' toy)_

**Mello: ***hangs up phone* … You should've told me that BEFORE I shot Near and got my face bashed in by Chuck Norris!!

**Near:** YAY! ^_____^ NEW TOY!! *grabs toy from the box and starts to play with it. 10 seconds later, it disintegrates* What the-?!

**Matt: **Hey, there's a warning on the box.

**L:** It says… WARNING: Toy is guaranteed to disintegrate with 10 seconds of being removed from box. Purely for collective purposes.

**Near: **T_T

**Naomi: ***pats Near on back*

**BlueFox:** The next one is from **Backyard Bottomslash.** Another returning reviewer. Um. *glances at B*

**B:** *blank look, staring into space*

**BlueFox:** Anyway… *reads the note* Well, alrighty then. *balls up paper and chucks it at Light's forehead, which causes the bangs to puff up into afro-bangs*

**Light:** WTF! What did you do that for?! *stares in horror at bangs*

**BlueFox:** *picks up paper* Well, it says:

_This question is directed at Light. It better hit him between the eyes and mess up his bangs first._

**Light: **T_T

**BlueFox:** The rest says,

_Why did you have a luffa in the first place? And where/who did you get it from?!_

**Light:** Do you KNOW how hard it is to get all of the soap out of a rag? Extremely! As for where…

**Sayu: **Bath and Body Works.

**Light:** *horrified* SAYU!

**Sayu:** For all of you people who want to stalk my brother, you can usually find him there on Wednesdays and Saturdays. He's allergic to Watermelon Peach Berry, if it helps you at all.

**Light:** *groans* Sayu…

**B:** *snaps out of daze* What the hell does Watermelon Peach Berry smell like?

**Light:** I dunno, it was in a little, orange-y flower bot— *freezes*

**BlueFox:** Bust.

**Matt:** And you were trying to convince us last chapter you were straight why?

**Light:** I'M NOT GAY!

**Matt:** You go to Bath and Body Works two days every week…

**Mello:** Tell us you're not gay again…

**Near:** With a straight face this time, please.

**Light:** …

**BlueFox:** I reiterate myself: Bust.

**Light:** Grr…

**BlueFox:** NEXT!

**Matt:** From **ZomgKelley.**

_Why do all of you have badass hair? I mean...even the girls their hair is  
pretty cool. But really...why? I'm jealous. DX_

**BlueFox: ***fiddles with hair* I KNOW, right? DX

**L:** That is not a question you should be asking us.

**Mikami:** You should be asking Obata-sensei about that.

**Matt: **Maybe we're all based off of video game characters with badass hair. *…is whacked* OW! What?!

**BlueFox:** Well, whatever. *pulls out next question* Okay. This is from **Darkmagick75.** *pauses* HEY! This reviewer's from my KH Bloopers story! Awesome! *beams* That story will be updated Monday!

_HeeHee, Near Rocks!_

_Can i give you cheese-spray? *Pegs Mellow in the head with can of cheese-spray*_

**Near:** But apparently I don't rock enough to get an actual toy to play with. *sniffle*

**Naomi: ***sighs and pats back again*

*A can of cheese-spray suddenly materializes and is chucked at Mello.*

**Mello:** AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *tries to run, but B trips him* AH! *falls into sand and can of cheese clonks him in the back of the head*

**B:** *whistling*

**Matt:** *nudges Mello* Ooh, he's out cold.

_1. Near, WHY is your hair white? Did you lose a fight with a bottle of bleach or something?_

**BlueFox:** Weeeelll, thanks to Matt's lovely made-up song earlier on, that question has been answered.

**Near: **... *pats hair consciously again*

_2. Mello, will you eat Scarlets tofu chocolate?_

**Matt:** Do you mean Scarlet from FF7?

**L: **Someone actually invented TOFU chocolate.

**BlueFox & L:** *gags*

**Matt:** *kicks Mello* Wake up and answer the question.

**Mello:** *sits up very fast* 42! African or Euorpean?!

**Light:** Mello, would you eat Tofu chocolate?

**Mello: ***blinks* There's something called Tofu chocolate? You shitting me?

**Light:** We shit you not.

**Mello:** That's just sick. I'm insulted.

_3. What happens if we make L eat vegetables and sit normally? Will he suddenly become really retarded, (like the rest of us.)_

**BlueFox:** Strap 'im down, boys!

* * *

Suddenly, all the Wammy boys plus Light had L strapped down to a beach chair with their body weight. L's eyes go wider (if possible) as he saw a very evil-looking BlueFox approaching him with a can of green beans.

"Open the hatch! Here comes the PLAAA-AAANE!" BlueFox cackled insanely, and wasn't the only one.

"NO!" L clamped his mouth down hard and turned his head away.

Light grunted as L started to struggle to put his feet up. "So he turns into a little child when he sits like this?"

"Well, he did say he was childish," Matt reminded him.

B turned L's head back. "EAT IT!" he yelled, the spoon of green beans coming closer. L shook his head.

"Come oooonn, L, it won't _kill_ you or anything. Just a bite." BlueFox giggled, enjoying every moment of this torture.

"NEVERR-- *gag hack*" As L had opened his mouth, BlueFox had shoved the spoon in.

"Now chew, and swallow," Near instructed, as though L was really the three year-old he was acting like.

* * *

**L: ***squirms out of hold, runs to ocean, and pukes*

**BlueFox: ***starts to eat green beans* Hope that answered your question. Next?

_4. Light, would you EVER cosplay as Misa-Misa?_

**Light: **What the hell kind of question is THAT?

**Mello:** Glad I wasn't asked.

**Matt:** But in the right light, both of you could--

**Light:** You don't want

**Mello:** to finish that sentence.

**Matt:** *shuts up*

_5. BlueFox, would you EVER switch pants with one of the other characters? Even if you won't, would you do it? PLEASE._

**BlueFox:** *spit take of green beans all over still-unconscious Misa* Say WHAT?

**Sayu: ***claps* You were asked a question.

**BlueFox: ***shakes head* Nuh-uh, no way, I wouldn't.

**Light:** But it says PLEASE. You really should.

**BlueFox:** *grumbles and chucks can at ocean* Ugh. Fine. *grabs Matt and hauls shocked guy off*

**Matt:** What the-?!

*a few moments later*

**BlueFox: ***walks back on, her and Matt's pants switched* Holy crap, I'm shocked they fit.

**Matt:** Pants, really? Why not shoes?

**Everyone Else: ***laughing at Matt*

**Matt: ***turns red and stomps foot angrily*

**Near:** I will read the next one. It's from** Scarlet-Red-Wings.**

(**Light:** Is that who Darkmagick75 thought of when they asked about tofu chocolate?)

__

Ok, to everyone, are you annoyed that so many of your names begin with the same letter? It annoys me.

**Naomi:** But they aren--

**BlueFox:** DON'T YOU GIVE ME THAT SHIT! Geez! What liars you are. M seems to be the most popular, with Misa, Mikami, Matsuda, Mello, and Matt. And probably a few others that are really insignificant.

**Near:** And then N is Naomi as well as me.

**L:** *has recovered* R is all over the place as well. Raito, Ryuga, Ryuzaki, Rue, Roger, Rod.

**BlueFox:** Not to mention half of the Yagami family starts with S. Sayu, Sachikko, Soichiro.

**B:** Mine is pretty much the only letter not used as often. But I have a different creator, so...

**Everyone:** ...Lucky.

**BlueFox: **I'm just guessing... that Ohba-sensei was bored. It's a question I've always wondered, too.

**Everyone: **...

**B: **Hah, losers.

**Mello:** Man, I hate this.

_Mello, what would you do if all the chocolate in the world suddenly poofed?_

**Mello:** Poofed into what? Tofu chocolate? White chocolate? Probably go on a killing spree. Like Kira. Only bloodier. And more violent. Like, all of the slasher movies joined into one.

**BlueFox:** Well... that's a comforting thought.

**B: ***narrows eyes dangerously at Mello*

**BlueFox:** And the final set of questions is from **Chibi Kitty Sama.**

_Amazing, simply amazing. Faved_

_Okay, since poor Near had to go through a makeover, Mello, I want you to dress/act like a girl the whole chapter please. ^_^_

_Lotsa love ~ ^..^_

**BlueFox:** *beams* Thanks for the fave! However, since this chapter's almost over, we'll do that next time.

**Mello:** *mouth drops open* You're not serious.

**BlueFox:** I'm very serious. It's called karma, dear Mels. *pulls paper out of pocket* And now, back to **Fundibulous teh Zohan.**

_Hi, L. This isn't a question but more of an information drop.  
Light is Kira and Misa-Misa is the second Kira, if you haven't noticed._

_I guess that's all I needed to say._

_Peace, love, and neko!L,  
Fundibulous teh Zohan_

_(P.S If you haven't noticed, I hate Light and Misa with a burning fiery passion.)_

*SPK suddenly handcuffs Light and carts him and unconscious, green-bean covered Misa off*

**Light:** WHAT THE!

**BlueFox: **Eh. Maybe I shouldn't have put in that rule…

**Light:** Dammit, you can't lock me up forever! I'll be back next time!

**B:** You can't next time.

**Light:** Then the time after THAT!

**B:** You can't THEN, either.

**Light:** Then when CAN I?!

**B:** NEVERR! KYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*everyone takes a large step away from B*

**Mello:** What the hell is a neko!L?

**BlueFox:** A cat-eared L. … You know, that's not a bad picture… What do you think, B?

**B:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**BlueFox: **Err… Never mind.

**L: ***brushes off hands* The Kira case has been solved. BRING IN THE DANCIN' LOBSTERS!

**~SPECIAL ENDING TO CHAPTER!!!!~**

**BlueFox:** It was recently a special someone's birthday on August 24, 2009. Well, other than my Grandpa, that is. He's special, too.

**L:** *pulls a trolley through sand to meeting place* Misa-Misa and Light-kun decided to join us via Skype for this grand event.

**Misa: ***waves from prison* ^________^ HI!

**Light:** *also in prison* ……….

**Sayu:** Anyway, it was Near's birthday on August 24! YAY! *hugs Near*

**Mello:** He turned 18.

**Matt:** Fanboys and girls, that means… HE'S LEGAL NOW.

**BlueFox:** *glomps Near and rubs face in his chest* So, we're going to sing him a special birthday song. And wish him a Happy 18th Birthday in your reviews! I'm sure it'll make him happy!

**Near:** What will make me happy is you getting off me.

**BlueFox:** NEVERR! KYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *pauses* Sorry, my B-ness is showing today. *blushes*

**B:** *evil smile* Slowly, slowly, the world is becoming mine.

**Everyone:** ………

**B:** Uhh… I mean… that is, to say... *pause* OH LOOK! A MONKEY! *points at random spot. He is soon whacked* Ow… Okay, I deserved that.

**Naomi:** Let's just sing, okay?

**L:** Everyone ready? *ahum* Happy  
**Sayu: **birthday  
**Matsuda:** to  
**Naomi: **you…

**Matt:** HAPPY  
**Mikami:** birthday  
**Mello:** *sighs* to

**Babysplit: **you!!!! :D :D :D :D

**Gevanni:** Happy  
**Rester: **birthday  
**Halle: **dear  
**BlueFox:** Ne-ar ;D

**B:** Happy  
**Josephine:** birthday, lol  
**Misa:** to  
**Light: **………

**Misa: **To…  
**Light: **…….

**Misa: ***shoves Light over in prison* (It's your turn dammit!) Dx  
**Light:** *hic* MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *passes out and falls off-screen*

**Mello:** Awwww HELL! For crying out loud! Damn Kira had to screw it all up!  
**L:** He's still upset over being ratted out, isn't he?

**All:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NEAR!!!! *big group hug*  
**Near:** Thank you. I feel really loved. *sniffles*


	5. Important: WE ARE MOVING!

Ah yes, you all thought there was going to be an actual update here, huh? Sorry to disappoint, but perhaps the news I bring will brighten you up a bit?

You won't have to wait very long for your DN questions to be answered. Trust me. I'm not giving up on this fic, it's just too much fun to write! However, I AM moving it over to deviantart and will begin to post it (starting with the next chapter) around the beginning of April.

Links will be in my profile shortly, and you will always find an updating schedule of my things in my Journal, so long as people continue to send in questions. I'll periodically check my PMs and reviews for any new questions here.

If you'll send them to me here, please specify the chapter number they'll be in, so I can keep track and not repeat them. But for now, don't ask anymore for the upcoming chapter, save it for chapter five, okay? I have enough for the next chapter.

And don't worry, guys. Neither I, nor this story, are dead.

~BlueFox~


	6. Chapter Four up on Deviant! Go Look!

H'okay, everyone, maybe you were all waiting for a notice to be posted, so here it is:

Chapter Four of The Death Note FAQ HAS BEEN POSTED ON DEVIANTART. The link is at the top of my ffnet profile, so make sure you all head over there to read, and PM your reviews here or comment there. Or both.

Send in more questions, PLEASE.

~BlueFox~


End file.
